Can't be Normal
by PteraWaters
Summary: Puck always knew he was a boy, despite the body he'd been born into. No one outside his family  minus his absentee father  and his best friend Finn knew he used to be a girl. Not even his boyfriend. FTM!Puck. Puck/Kurt slash. AU. Rating changed to M.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:**Can't be normal (1 of 3-4ish)**  
>Author:<strong> pterawaters**  
>Rating:<strong> R**  
>Character(s)Pairing(s):** Puck/Kurt, Finn**  
>Genre: <strong>AU, friendship, romance**  
>Warning:<strong> transgendered FTM!Puck, slash**  
>Spoilers:<strong> Fairly AU, references a few things from seasons 1 and 2**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>Glee is not mine, at all.**  
>Author Notes:<strong> This is a fill for ice-whisper's awesome prompt. Posted at puckurt and glee-genderplay. I'm sorry if I get any details wrong. I tried to do my research!

**Summary:** Puck always knew he was a boy, even if his body didn't agree with him. He had an awesome mom, a dad who couldn't deal, and moved to Lima for a fresh start. It worked and no one besides Puck's family and his best friend knew about who Puck used to be. Not even Puck's boyfriend.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Norah!" one of the boys called across the playground. "What happened to your hair?"<p>

"Yeah," another kid broke in. "It's all short now. You look like a boy."

Puck hated each and every one of the kids at school, so she growled, "I like it better this way. You gotta problem with that?"

"Oooh," Johnny Lim sneered, getting right up in Puck's face. "Little girl thinks she can-"

Without waiting for the kid to finish his sentence, Puck slugged the guy as hard as she could, smirking when he started to cry. As the teacher led Puck to the principal's office for the third time that week, Puck muttered, more to herself than to anyone else, "I'm not a little girl."

* * *

><p>Puck listened in as her mother spoke to her best friend over the phone, holding back tears as Ruth told Carole, "I just don't know what to do. The teasing has gotten so much worse since Norah cut her hair and now that Eli left…"<p>

Puck hated being the reason her parents broke up. She hated the fact that her father would never, ever accept the fact that she'd been born in the wrong body. She wasn't his little girl, she was a boy and no amount of drinking or hitting Puck with a belt would make her change her mind.

"…no, I don't think so. Maybe it would be better to wait until after this summer, Carole … Well, Norah's birthday is in June, and that's when the therapist is letting her start hormone treatments. She'll pass better as a boy after a few months of that … No, I know they're only eleven, but Finn's voice is already changing, isn't it? … Norah wants that, too."

Having grown up hearing about his mom's best friend, Carole, and her son Finn, Puck did feel jealous. She'd met Finn a few times, but the last time was a few years ago and she could barely remember what he was like – just that she envied him so much for being able to wear the clothes he did and play the sports he did. All Puck could play was the stupid co-ed softball and soccer at the Y, but she was damn good at them. Hopefully the medicine the doctor was going to give her would let her grow real muscles that would make her even better at sports.

Hopefully people at school would forget that Puck was a girl once she looked and sounded more like a boy. Hopefully they would stop teasing her for wearing sports jerseys and jeans instead of skirts. She hated anything pink, especially since that was all her Nana Connie would buy – pink dresses with ruffles and bows. Puck got grounded for a week after burning the last monstrosity out in the driveway, but she thought the punishment was totally worth it to see that bastard go up in flames.

Ruth spoke again, her voice high and excited as she asked, "Oh, would you really? Carole, that's too much! … No, I'll talk to Norah and Sarah first, but definitely put in that call … September, yeah. Thank you! … Hugs for Finn! … Bye!"

When Puck's mom left the kitchen, she almost ran into her, stopping short and saying, "Oh, there you are!"

"Hey."

Ruth shook her head at Puck's less-than eloquent greeting and then smiled, saying, "I have good news for you. You remember my friend, Carole?"

"Sure."

"Well, she's going to try to get me a job at her hospital so we can move to Lima at the end of summer."

Puck sighed, "That's so far away…"

"It's not, really," Ruth insisted. "And I've been wanting to move back ever since Nana had her fall. Plus, by the time we move, you'll be able to pass better for a boy. Isn't that great? No one there will have to know you're a girl, Norah."

"Noah," Puck insisted. "Ma, I told you to-"

"Noah," Ruth broke in, hugging Puck close. "That's right. No-ah. And your therapist said we should start using 'he' and 'him' and 'his', didn't she?"

Puck nodded. "I'm not a girl."

"I know you aren't, sweetie," Ruth insisted, squeezing Puck again. "You'll see. We'll move and everything will be great."

Puck scoffed and rolled her – wait, _his_ – eyes. Without his dad around anymore, Puck wasn't sure anything would ever be great again.

* * *

><p>"Hey, um, dude," Carole's son said when Ruth reintroduced Noah to him. "It's good to see you again."<p>

Putting on his best boy-voice, which was getting easier and easier because of the hormones, Puck said, "Hey, Finn. You too."

"Wanna play some Halo?"

Puck grinned and nodded, giving his mom one last look before following Finn to his room. "Sweet cowboys, dude," Puck laughed, pointing at the wallpaper.

Finn blushed a little bit and shrugged. "Gimme a break, man. I picked them out when I was, like, four."

Puck startled a little when Finn called him "man," but he was also kind of relieved – and a little curious if Finn even remembered when Puck was the girl that would come to visit, Norah. Sure, he wanted as few people to know what was under his shorts as possible, but it would have been nice if at least one friend knew he wasn't normal. Nodding, Puck replied, "I wanted fire trucks, but my dad was an asshole and made me get teddy bears instead. It was hella lame."

Finn dropped down on the floor in front of his TV and held out a controller for Puck. "Sorry he like, left or whatever because of…" and yeah, okay, maybe Finn did remember who Puck used to be. "I know how much it sucks not having a dad."

Puck clamped his mouth shut and took the controller, sitting down beside Finn and starting up the game. He didn't want to talk about how at least Finn's dad had died doing something awesome and hadn't given up on him the way Puck's dad did.

* * *

><p>The first day at his new school, Puck went wearing his normal, baggy clothes and with his hair freshly buzzed. Nobody looked at him twice, except to ask someone else, "Hey, is that guy new?"<p>

He made sure to keep his voice low and was glad for all the muscle weight he'd put on over the summer. Hell, he looked like one of the butchest boys in seventh grade, hands down. Puck walked with a swagger and smirked at the girls that flirted with him, even if he wasn't quite sure he wanted to flirt back.

He felt like a new man.

* * *

><p>"No, dude!" Finn cried, throwing down his controller in frustration. "You killed me <em>again<em>! How is that fair?"

"It's fair because you suck and I'm awesome," Puck explained with a laugh, putting his controller down too and reaching for the chips. "Don't feel too bad about it, though. I practiced that whole last year before we moved when I didn't …" Puck sighed and looked down before admitting, "When I didn't have any friends."

"Those jerks at your old school were idiots," Finn announced, grabbing the bag of chips from Puck's hands and shoving a handful into his mouth. "You're like, the coolest guy I know."

"That's because everyone else you know is a Lima Loser," Puck replied, grabbing the chips back and wrestling with Finn a little bit before he won. "And all those dudes at school only think with their junk."

Finn went quiet for a moment and Puck wondered if he'd said something wrong. Then Finn asked, "Do you ever wish you had … you know … boy parts?"

After a few seconds of embarrassment before he realized this was _Finn_ and he wasn't being mean, just curious, Puck replied honestly, "Only all the fucking time."

Finn sighed and said, "At least you don't have to think with it, constantly. I swear, last weekend when we accidentally had skin-e-max for a few hours, I practically skinned the thing. I couldn't help myself."

"And you think I can?" Puck replied, setting aside the chips for now. "I'm on effing steroids. I feel like I'm gonna get carpal tunnel in my wrist any day now, I jerk off so much."

"But, how does that work?"

Looking at his friend, Puck leveled a glare on him and asked, "How do you think?"

"I don't …" Finn replied, confused and blushing again. "I guess I don't really know what one looks like."

"Oh, fuck no," Puck replied, punching Finn in the arm. "This is not turning into a game of 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.' No fucking way."

"That's not what I meant," Finn replied, shoving back at Puck. "Forget it. I just figured if I knew more about how girls worked, maybe I'd actually get a girlfriend, like you."

"Wendy's not my girlfriend," Puck insisted. "We just made out once. And I don't know, dude, it wasn't all that great."

"But Wendy's boobs are huge!" Finn cried. "How could it not be the best thing ever?"

Looking over at his friend, Puck tried to think about explaining how making out with Wendy had just been peer pressure and it was like kissing his sister and there was this fear that she would sit on his lap or something and realize he was missing a cock. Then a flash of kissing Finn – something he'd never done or even thought about before – flew through Puck's brain, stirring that deep ache of want in his belly. Puck sighed because wasn't it enough that he was already as weird as he was and said, "I don't know, dude. Maybe I'm gay."

"Ohhhh," Finn nodded. "That totally makes sense."

Insulted, Puck asked, "Why? Because I have girl parts? I just want to be a normal guy. I want to date chicks and be the stud of McKinley, not some freak with a vagina that makes him attracted to other dudes."

"Yeah," Finn nodded. "That sucks. You know, I had the biggest crush on you when we were little."

Not really sure where this was going, because Finn tended to be random that way, Puck merely replied, "Okay?"

"But now you're a dude, so I'm just sayin'…" Finn left his words hanging there with the implication that he was over whatever crush he'd had on Norah now that she was gone.

Puck scoffed and replied, "Like I'd date your sorry ass, anyway. We're bros, man. Like, best friends."

"So we gotta find you some other dude to date," Finn insisted. "Are there any gay dudes at our school?"

Puck had his suspicions, but as far as he knew none of those guys had 'fessed up to being gay. Besides, "How much does making out with one girl mean, anyway? Maybe I just gotta try out a bunch of them until I find the one that works for me."

"Yeah, that sounds good," Finn nodded, picking up his controller again. "C'mon. I wanna try to beat you once more before Mom says we have to go to bed."

Puck smiled uneasily because he wasn't as sure about the plan as Finn seemed to be, and cried, "You're on!"

* * *

><p>"Fuck, did you see what those seniors did to that fag, Hummel?" Puck overheard one of the sophomores say to his friend while he was sitting in study hall, trying not to think about failing math class. "They threw him in the dumpster before school this morning!"<p>

"What a fag," the friend laughed. "I wish I would have seen that."

Puck grit his teeth and tried to focus on his book. If he failed out of freshman math, Coach was going to throw him off the JV football team, just when Puck was starting to fit in for once. Sure, he had to be really careful not to let anyone besides Finn see him without a towel around his waist, but he'd been doing pretty good so far. Coach hadn't even noticed he wasn't born a boy.

Puck was also really careful not to look at any of the other boys when he was in the locker room. He knew everyone thought he was straight because of all the girls he'd made out with, but he wasn't. Puck wanted to date a boy, make out with a boy, have sex with a boy. But then, he didn't want to be thrown into the dumpster either.

The next morning, he saw it happen. Both football teams, JV and Varsity, were out back, with one of the seniors pushing an unimpressed-looking Kurt Hummel in front of him. The guys picked him up and threw him into the garbage and Puck knew he had to keep pretending to be straight. If people found out he was gay, maybe they'd take a closer look at him in the locker room or notice that he never used the urinal and they'd figure out he wasn't biologically male.

The teasing and name calling would start all over again and Puck just couldn't handle that. Not yet.

* * *

><p>"How have you been these past three months, Noah?" Puck's therapist asked, perching his clipboard on one knee as he spoke. "Everything alright?"<p>

Puck shrugged, sighing when Doctor Nelson gave him that look that said he had to explain or he wasn't getting out of here on time. "I'm good with being a guy. I feel comfortable or whatever. Confident. I mean, I'm the stud of McKinley and I made Varsity football for next year."

"That's fantastic," Nelson nodded, "but…?"

"But I don't think I want to date girls. Like, everyone's expecting it of me and I've made out with a bunch but they're not…" he sighed in frustration, hoping the guy got it before Puck had to go into too much more detail.

The doctor nodded and asked, "Are you attracted to _anyone_, Noah?"

"Guys," Puck admitted. "I think I wanna be with a guy. But I'm a boy and I don't …"

"Say what's on your mind," Nelson prodded gently.

Puck ground his teeth for a moment before telling the doctor, "I don't want it to be like before, at my old school. If people find out I like guys they're going to find out I wasn't always like this and they're going to make my life a living hell."

"And you know this because…?"

Puck frowned at the way Dr. Nelson said those leading questions, like Puck was stupid for stopping in the middle of a thought, when really he just had to figure out which words to use and how to convince the guy to keep prescribing his hormone therapy. "Because there's this one kid in my class and he's pretty girly and everyone thinks he's gay. They throw him in the dumpster, dude. Like he's garbage. And he's _just_ gay. If everyone found out I'm trans _and_ a homo or whatever, they'll kill me. I swear they will."

"Hmm," the doctor sighed. "That is a legitimate worry, Noah. High-school children don't have the best track record when it comes to accepting those who are different. You've had it fairly easy since moving to Ohio, and I can see why you wouldn't want to give that easy lifestyle up."

"Damn straight."

"But," the doctor continued, and Puck hated that word so much. "You're living in the closet again. Don't you remember how much happier you were after transitioning? Don't you think the same could be true of letting those around you know your preference?"

"Being a dude is one thing," Puck muttered. "Especially since I had that growth spurt and worked up all these muscles. Everyone respects me. Nobody respects a gay guy, no matter how many muscles he has."

"Think about it," Dr. Nelson insisted. "Take the next three months and think about it. Don't date any girls and only date boys if you feel comfortable doing so. We'll speak about this again when I see you next."

"Fine," Puck sighed, nodding his head. "I'll think about it." Anything to get Nelson to write that prescription, because without that, Puck would lose his muscles and his facial hair and start growing boobs and maybe even start bleeding – a possibility he loathed ever since he found out about periods in fifth grade.

When he got home, Puck looked at himself in the mirror and decided that while he did look pretty male, he needed something a little more badass. If he was the worst motherfucker around, no one would give him crap for being gay. Digging the clippers out from under the sink, Puck took off the guard and shaved the sides of his head down to the scalp. There. Now he looked less like a mama's girly-boy and more like the boy he felt he was on the inside. The only thing missing was his cock, but he doubted he'd ever be able to afford the surgery to get one installed.

Whatever. It wasn't like he was going to need it anytime soon.

* * *

><p><em>I would really appreciate any reviews you'd like to leave. Thanks!<em>


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **Can't be normal (2 of 4)  
><strong>Author:<strong> pterawaters  
><strong>Rating:<strong> R  
><strong>Character(s)Pairing(s):** Puck/Kurt, Finn  
><strong>Genre: <strong>AU, friendship, romance  
><strong>Warning:<strong> transgendered FTM!Puck, slash  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Fairly AU, references a few things from seasons 1 and 2  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Glee is not mine, at all.  
><strong>Author Notes:<strong> This is a fill for ice-whisper's awesome prompt. Posted at puckurt and glee-genderplay. I'm sorry if I get any details wrong. I tried to do my research!

**Summary:** Puck always knew he was a boy, even if his body didn't agree with him. He had an awesome mom, a dad who couldn't deal, and moved to Lima for a fresh start. It worked and no one besides Puck's family and his best friend knew about who Puck used to be. Not even Puck's boyfriend.

* * *

><p>When Finn had gotten himself roped into the glee club and Quinn came to Puck asking, "Want to come by my place later and commiserate on my boyfriend's fall into social martyrdom?" he declined.<p>

"No thanks, Quinn."

"Come on," she smiled, taking his arm and leaning up to whisper in his ear. "I've got wine coolers. Who knows? You may even get lucky."

Pushing the girl away, Puck rolled his eyes and said, "First of all, Finn's my boy. Even if he's singing in some stupid choir, I'm not hooking up with his freaking girlfriend." Quinn looked a little cowed but then smirked and stepped forward like she was going to try palming his junk to see if that worked. Puck caught her hand before she could find out he wasn't quite all-dude and was so mad at her and upset that she thought she could just get to him like that that Puck admitted, "And second, I'm gay."

"What?" Quinn laughed, crossing her arms under her breasts. "No you're not. You've slept with half the Cheerios."

"I made out with half the Cheerios," Puck corrected. "None of them ever got into my pants, despite what they might have told you. Because I'm. Fucking. Gay. Get over it."

Quinn harrumphed and turned on her heel, her cheerleading skirt swirling around her hips as she went and Puck thanked God that he'd transitioned when he had and hadn't let his dad push him into being someone like Quinn, with her hair and her boobs and her short, flirty skirt. Puck probably would have killed himself.

* * *

><p>After glee club practice – yes, Puck had been roped into joining the stupid thing – Kurt came up to him and asked, "Is it true?"<p>

Knowing better than to jump to any conclusions, Puck asked, "Is what true, Hummel?"

"Word around school is that you told Quinn you're …" Kurt whispered the last word, like it was a secret, "_gay_."

Sizing up his options and deciding Dr. Nelson was right and it did feel better just putting the truth out there, Puck shrugged, "Yeah, it's true. So what?"

"Wow, I never would have guessed," Kurt muttered, putting one hand on his hip before leaning forward and whispering, "_I am too_."

"No shit," Puck snorted, laughing a little when Kurt looked shocked that he knew. "Dude, you're like the flamingest homo. Everybody knows."

"My dad knew," Kurt nodded. "I told him the other day after the football game."

"_Everybody_," Puck confirmed, readjusting his bag on his shoulder. "We don't have to hug or anything, do we?"

"No!" Kurt squeaked and Puck swore the dude's voice was higher than Norah's had ever been. "No, I mean, not unless you want to."

Puck considered it. He considered throwing Kurt against the wall and kissing him, too. Hummel wasn't the butchest of dudes, but at least he was a guy. He probably smelled like a guy under that lotion he was always using and he probably had a pretty nice cock, if he didn't stuff those skinny jeans of his or anything.

But then he realized that Kurt was capital-G gay. He'd want to be with a boy who had a dick, not one who had a stupid vagina. Puck couldn't start something with the kid only to stop again when Kurt found out who he really was. It would suck to no end.

"No thanks," Puck replied, leaving Kurt in the choir room and hoping he hadn't come off like too much of a douche.

* * *

><p>Things were pretty good for the rest of the school year. Karofsky and Azimio got on his case about being gay once in a while, but they didn't try to sneak a look at his non-existent cock in the shower room or anything. Mostly they went after Kurt and, because he was the leader of glee club, Finn. Then word got back to Puck's mom.<p>

"Noah, honey," she said, knocking on his open bedroom door and letting herself in. "Can I talk to you about something for a minute?"

"Sure," Puck sighed, putting away his math book – it still didn't make much sense six months later.

Ruth sat down on Puck's bed and started by saying, "I was talking with Carole just now…"

"Okay."

"She said that Finn mentioned that ... well, he said that you were gay. You're not gay, are you Noah?"

Shit. His mom had put up with so much while he was growing up and she was so good about him needing to be a boy. Why couldn't Puck be normal and straight like almost everyone else? Looking into his mom's eyes, though, Puck saw the woman who had stuck by him thick and thin, so he told her the truth. "I think I am."

"And so you like … boys?"

"Yeah," he nodded, his mouth dry as he watched her try to process this information. Eventually she nodded and patted his knee.

"You never fail to surprise me, Noah," she said, leaning forward to kiss his forehead. "Now, if you have a boyfriend, I want to meet him, alright?"

"I don't … have one, I mean," Puck told her. "I've never even, I mean there's this one gay kid at school, in glee club, and he's alright or whatever. But what happens when he finds out about Norah?"

Ruth shrugged and smoothed down some of the hair on Puck's head. "I think it will probably depend on the boy. Maybe you shouldn't date anytime soon, honey. Not if you want people to keep treating you like a young man."

"Yeah, alright," Puck nodded, watching his mother get up and leave the room and resigning himself to the fact that it was probably just going to be him and his hand for the foreseeable future. Maybe if he could figure out this fucking math shit, he could go to college and find a boy who was bisexual or whatever. That kind of guy would probably like the fact that Puck's junk was still like a girl's. He'd probably be all over that and then Puck would get to have sex and … Getting up, Puck closed his door and turned out his light so he could lose himself in thoughts of what college would be like.

* * *

><p>One day, mid junior year, Karofsky did the unthinkable and pushed Puck into a bank of lockers, hard. Okay, words were one thing. Words he could fucking deal with. This shit he couldn't. Storming into the locker room after Karofsky, Puck yelled, "What is your problem, man?"<p>

"Girl's locker room is across the hall," the guy replied calmly, taking his football cleats out of his locker.

For a brief, terrifying second, Puck thought Karofsky had figured him out. But no, nobody knew besides Finn and Puck trusted his best friend to take that secret to the grave. Instead, Puck growled and muttered, "Get over it, Karofsky. I'm gay. Deal."

"I don't want to deal," he shot back, watching as Puck approached. "You're probably just here to sneak a peek at my junk. I shouldn't have to-"

"Sorry to burst your bubble or whatever," Puck replied, getting right up in Karofsky's face, "but you're not my type, fat ass. I may like boys but that doesn't mean I dig on sweaty, balding motherfuckers like you."

"Oh yeah?" Karofsky replied, breathing out heavily through his nose like a bull about to charge.

"Yeah," Puck replied forcefully, giving Karofsky a little push. Sure the guy was taller than Puck and bulkier but Puck was a boy. He could handle himself.

"Don't push me, homo."

"Why? Because you're so threatened by me, you fucking coward? What did I ever do to you?"

And then Karofsky grabbed Puck's head and kissed him almost painfully, pressing Puck's lips against his teeth like it was the only thing keeping him alive at the moment. With a terrified little noise, Karofsky pulled back, meeting Puck's gaze, which he was sure looked at least half as surprised as he felt. The kid leaned in for another kiss, so Puck pushed him away. He hadn't been kidding when he said the jock wasn't his type. Puck had been dreaming about soft hands and high voices lately, not hairy backs and bad breath.

Karofsky punched the lockers beside them and brushed by Puck to escape the room, running away from what he obviously was. Coward.

Lips bruised from that stupid kiss and hands shaking with the adrenaline of a fight, Puck wandered back out into the hallway and made his way to class, sitting in the back like always.

Finn wasn't in this class with him, but Kurt was and he must have noticed something was wrong because he took the seat next to Puck's and asked, "Did someone shoot your dog or something?"

"I don't even have a dog," Puck replied, shutting up when the bell rang and the teacher started talking about the Civil War or something. Ripping a piece of paper out of the back of his notebook, Puck wrote, "Karofsky just kissed me. I think he's gay."

A few minutes after Puck threw the note onto Kurt's desk when the teacher's back was turned, he got a reply, "So are you two going out now?"

"Fuck NO!" Puck wrote back, underlining the second word about a million times. "We were fighting and he totally sprung that shit on me. Besides, I don't date gorillas."

Beside him, Kurt looked stuck between sending Puck a sympathetic glare and laughing at his description of Karofsky. Eventually he handed back a note that said, "He's probably not coming out of the closet anytime soon. You don't want to deal with a guy like that."

Okay, maybe Puck was imagining things, but he could swear Kurt batted his eyelids when Puck looked over at him once more before the bell rang. As they left the classroom, Kurt leaned in and told Puck, "I'm just glad it wasn't me. I've been trying to work up the nerve to confront him ever since I met this other gay boy, Blaine, a few days ago. I don't even want to think about being kissed by that Neanderthal."

"His breath smelled like ass," Puck admitted, laughing a little until he saw Karofsky headed in their direction, murder in his eyes. Throwing his arm around Kurt, Puck whispered, "Don't let on that I told you, okay?"

"O-okay," Kurt nodded, looking at Puck's hand on his shoulder like it was the greatest thing ever. Wow. Alright. Maybe giving things a shot with Kurt wouldn't be so bad if his approval of the gesture made Puck feel this good.

As Karofsky passed them he sneered and said, "Fags!"

"Takes one to know one," Puck called after him, grinning at Kurt when he turned back around. "I think he might try to kill me one of these days."

"I won't let him," Kurt insisted, putting his hand over Puck's on his shoulder and lacing their fingers together. "Is this okay?"

Heart beating in overtime and body singing, Puck nodded, stopping at Kurt's locker and whispering in his ear, "More than okay, babe."

* * *

><p>"Dude," Finn said when he caught Puck in the hall after class, "are you dating Kurt?"<p>

"Guess so," Puck shrugged. "Why? You got a problem with that?"

"No," Finn insisted. "No. I was just, I mean what happens when...?" Finn pointed to Puck's crotch and raised an eyebrow. "I'm pretty sure he won't expect that."

"No shit," Puck sighed. "But can't I just date someone I want to date for awhile at least? I mean, it's not like he's gonna want to do it right away. We haven't even kissed yet."

"You gotta tell him eventually," Finn insisted. "Kurt's a cool guy and he's gay so he'll get that you're different. I'll help him, you know, when our parents get married and we move in together again. We both know you're as much a guy as I am, right bro?"

"Yeah," Puck smiled, clapping his friend on the shoulder. "Yeah, thanks, Finn."

* * *

><p>The first time Puck kissed Kurt after taking him to the movies and buying him popcorn and crap, Puck knew he was right about being gay, not that he'd ever been that confused, really. When his lips stuck to Kurt's as they pulled apart and sent a dark shiver down his spine, Puck couldn't help but go in for another, deeper kiss, holding Kurt's head close and surprising him with intensity.<p>

That time, when he pulled away, Kurt smiled widely and breathed, "I _have_ to tell Blaine I won the bet. He didn't think you would kiss me tonight."

"What?" Puck scoffed, looping his hands around Kurt's waist and pulling him as close as he dared.

"I know," Kurt replied, giving Puck another, small kiss. "I tried telling him you're a badass and not afraid of a little kissing."

Puck laughed, his heart fluttering at the indulgent smile Kurt gave him. "Gonna split your winnings with me?"

"You want half of the soundtrack to 'Eating Raoul?'"

Smiling again and noticing Burt glaring at him through the window, Puck smiled and pressed one more, short, kiss to Kurt's lips, telling him, "I don't even know what that is, so why don't you keep it."

"Your knowledge of obscure Broadway musicals is vastly underdeveloped, Noah. We might have to change that."

"You learn the stats for the Bengals' starting players and I'll think about learning more about musicals. Deal?"

"Deal," Kurt nodded, giving Puck one last heart-stopping smile before slipping into the house.

* * *

><p>"Mmm," Kurt murmured, his lips pressed against Puck's neck and his hands creeping southward from their place on Puck's ribs. Puck had never been more turned on in his life, soaking his boxers (despite the hormone supplements that usually made him dry) just from making out with Kurt in the back of the guy's car.<p>

"You're so fucking hot," Puck sighed against Kurt's lips, his fingers finding their way into the boy's shirt/vest combo.

Whining, Kurt let his hand drift further down and suddenly the panic set in. Puck grabbed Kurt's wrist and dragged his boyfriend's hand up further, away from his junk. Puck tried to just keep kissing Kurt, like nothing had happened, but Kurt pulled back instead.

Putting on a semi-hurt expression, Kurt asked, "You don't want?"

"I..." Puck debated telling Kurt who he really was, but was overcome with the fear that Kurt would totally freak out on him. No, he couldn't tell. Not yet. Definitely not yet. Kurt was still looking at him for some sort of explanation, so Puck insisted, "I do want, babe. It's just...it's just despite anything you might have heard about me, I've never been past second base. That's lame, isn't it?"

"Never?" Kurt asked. "Santana claims you and she ... like, from before you knew you were gay."

"I've known I was gay for a long time," Puck insisted. "I just didn't want to be. Santana made that crap up because she wants to be head Cheerio. It never happened."

"Oh," Kurt nodded. "But you do want to go further eventually, right?"

"So fucking bad," Puck nodded, "but just not ... not tonight, okay?"

Kurt chuckled and nodded before moving closer and whispering in Puck's ear, "Someday soon? I want to be the one to tame the supposed sex shark of McKinley high."

Shivering, Puck nodded and pulled Kurt into another kiss, distracting them both.

* * *

><p>"Fuck, dude," Puck sighed into the phone after Kurt dropped him at home post-date. "I think I gotta tell him, Finn."<p>

"Yeah," his best friend replied. "You guys have been dating for like, two months. It's time."

"What if he freaks out and tells everyone?" Puck sat down heavily on his bed.

"He won't," Finn insisted. "Kurt won't tell. I'm not sure how he'll react exactly, but he won't tell anyone. I promise."

Clenching his teeth together, Puck snorted in disbelief. "He's gonna break up with me at least. He's gonna realize I can't...I can't, you know, fuck him the way he probably wants it. Not with my own equipment anyway."

Finn sniffed a little and said, "That's my brother, dude. I don't want to think about him having sex!"

"Well, he's not going to be," Puck insisted. "He's going to find out I used to be a chick and run screaming."

"I don't think you're giving him enough credit."

Turning over onto his stomach, Puck asked, "Why d'ya say that?"

"Because," Finn explained, "you've always told me gender is in your head, not in your pants. Kurt's totally into you. He's not going to mind."

"He's gay, Finn," Puck huffed. "Kurt probably dreams about cock as much as I do."

Finn made another displeased noise before offering, "I'll help you tell him. I've got your back, dude."

"When?" Puck asked, wondering how much longer he could get away with keeping Kurt, who obviously wanted Puck's cock, at arm's length.

"Should do it tomorrow," Finn replied and, fuck, that was much sooner than Puck was planning on.

"I don't know..."

"Dude, you gotta man up and do this. Every day you don't you're pretty much lying to my little brother."

Puck snorted, "Kurt's older than you and almost as tall as me, Finn."

"Don't change the subject or whatever," Puck's friend insisted. "Come over tomorrow morning or I'll drag you over here, alright?"

Holding his breath for a moment, Puck tried to think of any way of getting out of this short of breaking up with Kurt. He really didn't want to break up with Kurt. The guy was awesome and was a great kisser and understood Puck better than anyone besides Finn had before. Telling him the truth was the only way to keep him. "Okay," Puck replied as he let of a long, whooshing breath. "Okay, dude."

"Good," Finn replied. "'Night, Puck."

* * *

><p><em>Thanks so much for all the reviews, you guys! I was stunned with how popular this story became so quickly! Please, let me hear from you again. Did you like this chapter? Did you not? What did you think of how I twisted canon around?<em>


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **Can't be normal (3 of 4)  
><strong>Author:<strong> pterawaters  
><strong>Rating:<strong> M  
><strong>Character(s)Pairing(s):** Puck/Kurt, Finn  
><strong>Genre: <strong>AU, friendship, romance  
><strong>Warning:<strong> transgendered FTM!Puck, slash  
><strong>Spoilers:<strong> Fairly AU, references a few things from seasons 1 and 2  
><strong>Disclaimer: <strong>Glee is not mine, at all.  
><strong>Author Notes:<strong> This is a fill for ice-whisper's awesome prompt. Posted at puckurt and glee-genderplay communities on livejournal. Thanks so much for all your comments, guys!

**Summary:** Puck always knew he was a boy, even if his body didn't agree with him. He had an awesome mom, a dad who couldn't deal, and moved to Lima for a fresh start. It worked and no one besides Puck's family and his best friend knew about who Puck used to be. Not even Puck's boyfriend.

* * *

><p>It took two hours and several bowls of Froot Loops before Puck worked up the nerve to get in his truck and drive over to Finn's new house - the one he was sharing with Kurt now that their parents had gotten married. When he was outside, Puck hit another bout of nerves, so he texted Finn, "You gotta come get me from my truck. I can't do this without you."<p>

Yeah, so it was hella lame and so not cool, but Puck needed Finn to tell him to stop being such a pussy and go tell his boyfriend about the one between his legs.

It took a few minutes, but eventually Finn trotted out of the house and up to Puck's truck, opening the driver's door and giving Puck his hand. "C'mon, dude. I'll help you. Just hold my hand and everything will be fine."

"Kurt's not a scary movie," Puck replied, taking Finn's hand anyway. "And you were always the scaredy-cat, holding onto me for dear life."

"Well then I'm returning the favor, Noah," Finn insisted. "Get out."

Puck sighed and let Finn lead him by the hand into the house and up to Kurt's room. He almost bolted when Finn raised his hand to knock on Kurt's door, but Finn held on tight and yanked Puck back toward him, whispering, "Chill, dude," as he rapped his knuckles against the wood.

When Kurt called, "Come in!" Finn pushed Puck into the room first. Kurt smiled when he looked up from his desk, but then the smile faded when he saw Finn holding Puck's hand. "What's going on?"

"Puck has something to tell you," Finn replied, squeezing Puck's hand like he was being all encouraging and shit, obviously not noticing the way Kurt's eyes turned dark with anger.

"Don't bother," Kurt huffed, standing and crossing his arms over his chest. "I thought we were brothers, Finn!"

"We are..." Finn insisted, suddenly very confused and looking over when Puck pulled his hand away violently. "What?"

"And you!" Kurt turned on Puck, sending him one hell of a bitch glare. "Is this why you wanted to go slow? You were getting it somewhere else? I should have known you lied to-"

"Kurt, shut up," Puck replied, trying to keep calm despite how angry he felt at the fact that Kurt had so little faith in him. "You don't know what you're talking about. Finn's not even a little bit gay."

"Who said anything about me?" Finn asked, his genuine confusion seeming to get to Kurt. "We're here because Puck has something to tell you."

Taking a deep breath, Puck took a step forward and said, "Listen, babe. There is a reason I've been keeping things slow and it's not because I was cheating on you. I'd never do that."

"So why is Finn here?"

"Moral support," Finn insisted.

Kurt still looked confused so Puck sat down on the bed and asked, "You know how I moved here right before middle school?"

Kurt nodded and sat back down in his desk chair, watching Puck with a wary expression.

"Finn knew me before then," Puck continued, heart beating so fast he was sure Kurt couldn't possibly hear what he was saying over the noise. It made it easier to whisper, "When I was a girl."

It took a very long time before Kurt asked, "What? I couldn't have heard that right."

Puck knew this was going to be a disaster and he tried getting up to just forget everything, but Finn pushed him back down, saying, "Noah's transcendered. He was born in the wrong body and used to be called Norah."

"Transgender, you idiot," Puck hissed, keeping his eyes on the floor, which seemed to be the best place for them, since Kurt's silence meant he was trying to find the words to break up with Puck.

Instead, the guy moved and kneeled on the floor at Puck's feet, grabbing one of his hands and asking, "Really?"

Puck looked away as he nodded, reminding himself he was a badass and badasses didn't cry.

"But you look so male," Kurt observed, sounding more confused than anything else.

Encouraged at Kurt's curiosity rather than anger, Puck mumbled, "Started taking hormones when I was twelve. That was early enough, I guess. Plus, I work really hard to stay looking this way, Kurt. More than any other guy I know."

"But ..." Kurt asked, his eyes flicking toward Puck's crotch and then over at his brother. "I think you can leave us, Finn. Thank you."

"You sure, Puck?" Finn asked and Puck nodded. Whatever else happened, the damage was already done. Kurt knew his deepest secret and was still kneeling in front of him, trying to understand.

When Finn closed the door behind him, Kurt asked, "This is why you wouldn't let me touch you?"

"Yeah," Puck agreed, taking a chance and lightly running the fingers of one hand through Kurt's hair. "You probably want a boyfriend who... I mean, I haven't had the surgery. I probably won't."

"Is it a money issue?" Kurt asked, leaning into Puck's touch like he wasn't freaked out at all.

"That and..." Puck shrugged. "I guess the surgery doesn't work very well. I'll never have the equipment I want and I'd rather keep what I have in working order, you know?" It felt good, telling Kurt this. Puck hadn't even told his shrink he didn't really want to go through with the surgery. But then it occurred to him, "You probably want to break up, don't you?"

Kurt shook his head slowly even as he said, "I have to admit, I did picture things with you going a certain way. I never expected this..."

"I get it..." Puck nodded, starting to stand up before Kurt stopped him.

"I want to try," Kurt insisted. "I _am_ gay, but I'm so attracted to you, Puck. I love you. I can't imagine that changing just because you're a little different."

"You do?" Puck asked, awed. "I mean, I love you, too."

Kurt smiled and stood up, pulling Puck into a close hug. Laughing a little, Kurt said, "All the pamphlets my dad got me when we had the sex talk were about being gay. I have no idea how..."

Puck laughed too, hugging Kurt tighter and kissing his neck. "I've never seen a cock up-close either," he admitted. "Except for in porn."

"Oh, gross," Kurt cried, pulling back a little more. "How can you watch that stuff?"

"Because it's hot," Puck insisted, thinking Kurt was definitely the more feminine of the two of them. "You don't?"

"I can't help thinking about how disappointed their mothers must be," Kurt replied, making Puck laugh and kiss him again. Then Kurt quirked an eyebrow and asked, "Can you get pregnant?"

Screwing up his nose in disgust, Puck told his boyfriend, "I hope not. I mean, because of the hormones I shouldn't be able to. Christ, this is weird to talk about with you!"

"Why?" Kurt asked gently, sitting down on the bed and pulling Puck to sit next to him.

Shrugging, he said, "When I picture myself, you know, in my head…?"

Kurt nodded.

"I'm a guy, like head to toe. Sometimes I remember I'm not, especially when you sit on my lap or like yesterday when you tried to get into my pants. I'm so used to that, I don't know, _shock_ of remembering I'm not who either of us is picturing. It's weird, letting that go. And _so_ not badass talking about it."

It took a few moments of looking over at him before Kurt suggested, "Maybe if we both saw each other – all of each other – that would make you feel better?"

"Still tryin' to get into my pants, Hummel?" Puck asked with a little laugh, hoping it covered up how nervous he felt. Telling Kurt was one thing – he could see the rest of Puck and still tell himself Puck was the boy he'd always assumed he was dating. Showing Kurt how fucked up he was – that was a different story altogether.

"You're my very hot boyfriend and I love you," Kurt nodded, putting a hand on either side of Puck's face so he had to look at the guy. "Of course I am."

Puck was powerless under the pressure of those eyes staring at him like that – like Puck could do no wrong. No one besides Finn had ever looked at him like that and Finn looked at all his friends with that trust. Kurt didn't trust anyone.

Gulping, Puck nodded and pulled off his shirt – which was the easy part. He'd never really developed tits and always made sure his pecs were super-charged, so Puck's chest looked very masculine. Kurt seemed to think so too, just sort of staring at Puck with this far-off look in his eyes. Waving his hand in front of Kurt's face, Puck mumbled, "Your turn, babe."

Blinking a few times, Kurt nodded and said, "Let me just lock the door. You know, in case."

"Thanks," Puck replied, not at all relishing the idea of anyone but Kurt seeing him naked. Sure Finn and Carole already knew about him, but that didn't mean he wanted them to see him. Puck barely ever looked at _himself_ naked, preferring to preen and prep while wearing boxers so he could happily ignore his lower half.

Kurt went to his bedroom door and locked it, shoving a little to make sure it was latched, before he turned around. "I'm not nearly as … _muscled_ as you are, Puck."

"I know," he nodded, pulling Kurt closer and asking permission with a look to pull Kurt's shirt up. "I don't mind."

Kurt sucked in a quick breath and nodded, raising up his arms so Puck could pull the long-sleeved sweater up and over his head. Underneath, Kurt was wearing a black tank top, not unlike the ones Puck liked to wear, and it showed off the fact that Kurt wasn't quite as weak-looking as he seemed to think. It was weird, thinking that people besides Puck tended to see themselves differently than they actually were.

Pulling off Kurt's undershirt, Puck sighed, "You're beautiful, babe," taking in the sight of Kurt's lightly defined muscles and lean waist.

"You really think so?" Kurt asked as Puck trailed his fingers over Kurt's collarbones and chest, drinking in the sight of him.

Puck nodded and backed away, not sure now whether he wanted Kurt to see him completely bare or not. Kurt was so perfect, how could Puck – being the freak he was – ever compare to that? "I don't…"

"We're doing this," Kurt said in his bossiest tone, hands at his own fly. "Together, okay? On three…"

Unable to deny Kurt when he used that tone, Puck nodded and unbuttoned his jeans. "One."

Okay. He was really going to do this.

"Two."

But could he? What if Kurt laughed? What if he puked or something? What if he decided he couldn't love Puck because of-

"Three!"

Without even thinking, Puck had pushed his pants and underwear down at the same time Kurt did, stepping out of them awkwardly and keeping his eyes down, even if Kurt was standing, like _right there_ all naked and stuff. Now he just had to wait for Kurt to say something.

He really didn't expect it to be, "Look at me, honey," Kurt's voice completely without judgment.

How could it be, though? Shaking his head, Puck pressed his fingers into his eyes to keep them from leaking. This was just so humiliating, Puck wasn't sure he could stand it anymore. He reached, down, intent on pulling his pants back up, but Kurt grabbed his hands to keep him from going through with it. "What?" Puck asked angrily. "Can't you just let me-"

"No," Kurt replied softly, pulling on Puck's arms so he was standing straight up again. "Noah, you're…"

"Ugly."

"Hot," Kurt countered, his voice breathy like after they'd been making out for awhile. Puck finally looked up to meet his boyfriend's eyes and was stunned to see that Kurt seemed sincere. "You're so hot, Noah."

Finally looking down at all of Kurt and seeing him not just naked, but his cock sticking out like he was half-hard, Puck groaned. "Is that…? I mean, are you…? Because of me?"

Kurt's eyes flashed downward for a brief second and he blushed, biting the side of his lower lip as he nodded.

"Why?"

"Noah," Kurt breathed, pulling a little closer and setting one hand on the side of Puck's neck. "I wasn't sure what to expect or how I would react, but everything about you is just so … masculine – despite the one small difference. You're perfect."

"I can't," Puck shook his head, gasping a little when Kurt pressed against his hip and nibbled on Puck's neck. "I can't fuck you, Kurt. Not without, like, _help_."

"I didn't ask you to," Kurt replied, hands on Puck's hips and guiding him back toward the bed. "There's so much else we can do besides _sex_-sex, honey. And to be honest, the idea of anal sex never really appealed to me."

Sitting down on the bed and looking up at his boyfriend, Puck asked, "You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"

Shaking his head, Kurt leaned down and captured Puck's lips in a kiss that quickly turned fierce, making Puck remember that he was naked with his boyfriend – his super hot, desirable boyfriend – and that maybe he should do something about it. Smirking with some of his old confidence that he wasn't sure he felt, Puck grabbed Kurt and pulled him down onto the mattress, rolling to straddle one of Kurt's thighs and press his shoulders back as Puck kissed him.

Then, Puck took a chance and reached downward, grabbing Kurt's cock lightly and smiling into his shoulder when the boy gasped and said something incoherent.

"What?"

"So good," Kurt repeated, renewing his assault on Puck's lips for a moment before breaking the kiss for a moment and asking, "Can I touch you?"

Puck hesitated, his hand halfway up Kurt's dick, and tried to decide. After a few seconds and Kurt's hips twitching to push his cock further into the circle of Puck's fist, the want overrode the fear and he nodded, watching as Kurt pushed him back a little and brushed at the trimmed pubic hairs above his junk. Kurt sat up, watching his hand, which Puck had to watch as well, as it dipped lower, gently running over Puck's clit and making him hiss with pleasure. "Fuck, babe."

"What is this?" Kurt asked softly, touching Puck again gently. "I mean, you like this right?"

Feeling himself get warmer and wetter, Puck nodded, breathing quickly, "My clit. God yeah, that feels good."

"But it's almost as big as my thumb," Kurt replied with wonder in his voice. He tugged gently and Puck just about screamed, burying his face against Kurt's arm and shuddering in pleasure. Kurt laughed softly and said, "I'm not an expert by any means, but isn't this a little…big?"

"Hormones," Puck panted, getting a little uncomfortable as Kurt's touches dried him out. "Make it bigger. Ah, fuck, wetter! Wetter, babe, that's starting to hurt."

"Sorry!" Kurt cried, pulling his hand away. "Sorry. I have no idea what I'm doing!"

"It's cool," Puck replied, rubbing his legs together to try to ease the dry feeling and letting go of Kurt's dick. "We don't have to."

Stubbornly, Kurt insisted, "I _want_ to. I want to figure out exactly how you work, Noah. I want to… I want to make you feel good, baby."

"Maybe I should make you watch some porn," Puck suggested softly, meeting Kurt's eyes with a smirk to make sure Kurt knew he was mostly kidding. "Not even for educational purposes?"

"I'd rather," Kurt mumbled, looking down, "watch _you_."

Puck hesitated for a moment, Kurt's enthusiasm completely unexpected, before nodding, "Okay."

"Okay," Kurt replied, kissing Puck once before moving downward on the bed and gently spreading Puck's legs.

Puck was breathing harshly as Kurt looked up at him, jumping out of his skin when a loud knock sounded at the door. "Kurt?" the boy's dad asked, making Puck's heart jump up into his heart for a completely different reason. "Son, is that boyfriend of yours in there with you? Why is your door locked?"

Scrambling to put his clothes back on, Kurt shoved Puck's at him as he replied, "He just spilled soda all over himself on the way here this morning, dad. He's changing. We'll be right out!"

"Uh-huh," Burt replied in disbelief, but his footsteps sounded away from the door and down the stairs.

Turning to Puck, Kurt caught his hand and said, "You have to wear my clothes if my dad is ever going to believe that story."

"Okay," Puck nodded, "but nothing tight. I … I don't exactly fill out pants the same way other guys do."

"No, you wouldn't, would you?" Kurt hummed, opening his closet and rummaging around before handing Puck a pair of sweatpants that looked brand-new and a tighter than it needed to be McKinley t-shirt. "There!"

Before Kurt could unlock and open his door, Puck caught him in a tight hug and whispered, "Thanks for not freaking out, babe."

"You were really scared of that, weren't you?" Kurt asked softly, brushing his cheek against Puck's.

Smirking and placing a kiss on Kurt's lips, Puck insisted, "Nah, I'm a badass. I'm not afraid of anything."

Kurt laughed and opened his door, leading the way out of his room and down into the more neutral parts of the house. Puck was so relieved about Kurt's reaction that he didn't even mind getting interrupted the first time he'd managed to get to third base with his boyfriend. Not that he'd ever let Kurt know that. Badasses hated getting cock-blocked.

* * *

><p><em>Originally I just had an epilogue written for after this chapter. How would everyone like to see McKinley finding out about Puck? Go to the poll at the top of my profile page to vote for which ending you'd like to see.<br>_


	4. Chapter 4

**Title**: Can't be normal (4 of 4)

**Author**: pterawaters

**Rating**: NC-17

**Character(s)/Pairing(s)**: Puck/Kurt, Burt

**Genre**: AU, friendship, romance

**Warnings**: transgendered FTM!Puck, slash

**Spoilers**: Fairly AU, references a few things from seasons 1 and 2

**Disclaimer**: Glee is not mine, at all.

**Author Notes**: This is a fill for ice_whisper 's awesome prompt. Posted at puckurt and glee_genderplay over on livejournal.

So this became a Kurt chapter! I've decided to follow this up with an angsty sequel, by popular demand, to post at some point in the future. Thanks for all the support and feedback, you guys. I really appreciate it!

**Summary**: Puck always knew he was a boy, even if his body didn't agree with him. He had an awesome mom, a dad who couldn't deal, and moved to Lima for a fresh start. It worked and no one besides Puck's family and his best friend knew about who Puck used to be. Not even Puck's boyfriend.

* * *

><p>Kurt had to admit, he was pretty shocked at his own reaction to finding out Puck wasn't entirely male. For two months, Puck had been his perfect boyfriend (and if Kurt was honest with himself, he'd been crushing on the boy ever since Puck had come out to Quinn, which was essentially coming out to the entire school). Kurt imagined the feelings he got making out with Puck were akin to what other people felt like when they had religious experiences. Every kiss made Kurt fall more and more in love with Puck and oh, god, the pain of thinking his boyfriend had been cheating on him with Finn had been more than Kurt was willing to face.<p>

Thank god that wasn't the truth.

Maybe it was the relief of not having his heart broken that made Kurt more willing to accept the fact that Puck wasn't exactly typical. Well, Kurt wasn't exactly typical either. His voice was too high and he liked fashion and he was gay. Puck was … Puck was transgender.

Kurt had sometimes wondered if maybe his feminine habits and sensibilities meant he was in the wrong body, but extensive Google-Fu had made him rethink that possibility. When Kurt closed his eyes, he saw himself exactly as he was - after his rigorous beauty regimen, of course. He didn't see a girl. He didn't want to be female, despite calling himself an honorary girl on more than one occasion.

Puck though. Puck was such a _boy _even if he was - well, gay seemed like a problematic adjective now. Puck was attracted to boys. Androphilic, according to Wikipedia. Kind of rare for transmen, apparently.

Okay, so maybe Puck was a little more atypical than Kurt, who by all accounts was more stereotypical than he would like to admit. Somehow it didn't make Kurt any less attracted to his boyfriend. It made Puck … less threatening, almost. After hearing stories about how Puck had slept with Santana and Brittany and several other Cheerios and about how he had an insatiable appetite for girls before coming out to Quinn as gay, Kurt couldn't help but be a little intimidated.

Even after Puck had admitted to being a virgin, Kurt was sure that Puck was still the virile man-child he'd been picturing every time Kurt thought about him, both before and after they'd started dating. Kurt knew nothing about dating. He knew next to nothing about sex, even after his dad had given him those pamphlets.

He was sure Puck would push for something Kurt wasn't sure he actually wanted - sex. He wanted affection. He wanted some degree of physicality. After making out with Puck a few times, he wanted touching and his body started begging for release under Puck's hands. The idea of sex, though, the kind of sex that two gay men usually had, that still scared Kurt.

Now that Kurt knew that Puck had different equipment than Kurt had assumed, that fear vanished. In its wake was just curiosity and okay, a lot of _want_. What did that say about Kurt?

Hesitantly, the night he found out about Puck, Kurt looked up a few of the sexuality-neutral websites that his pamphlets pointed to. Frustratingly, none of them covered transmen, so Kurt started browsing in the sections meant for straight boys. He felt so out of place, but at least he was alone in his bedroom and not at school or something. He was just getting to the part about penetration when his phone rang. Loudly.

Squeaking a little, Kurt slammed his laptop closed, crossed his legs, and picked up his phone, answering, "Hey, Blaine. What's up?"

Over the frantic sound of Kurt's beating heart, Blaine replied, "Hey, Kurt. What were you doing?"

"Nothing," Kurt replied hastily, knowing that despite how much he wished he could, Kurt couldn't discuss Puck's differences with Blaine. "Doodling. Planning weekend outfits."

Blaine chuckled a little and said, "Well, I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot."

"Well, do you think," the Dalton boy started, his voice a little hesitant and yet still exuding confidence. Kurt always wondered how he did that. Maybe it was getting all those solos in the Warblers. "...is it too much to sing to someone for Valentine's Day?"

"I..." Kurt answered, wondering where this question was coming from. "I suppose it depends on the person. Who are you planning on serenading?"

Blaine sighed happily and said, "I think I'm in love. His name is Jeremiah and he's a manager at the Gap."

Kurt hid a little chuckle at his friend's love-sick admission behind one hand before asking, "Why am I only hearing about this now?"

"Because I met him two days ago."

"And you're already in love?" Kurt asked, letting a heaping dose of cynicism cloud his voice. "I think a song may be a little premature."

"Well, how else am I going to get his attention?" Blaine asked. "He and I don't have a common enemy like you and Puck had when you got together." Kurt had the distinct impression that Blaine was pouting.

"Someone sounds jealous," Kurt pointed out. "Have you tried just asking Jeremiah out?"

"You know I'm no good at talking about my feelings," Blaine insisted. "I'm much better at singing them."

"Fine," Kurt sighed. "Sing something romantic, though."

"_When I get you alone_?" Blaine suggested, making Kurt snort.

"God, no. Jesus, Blaine, you really do need help."

"That's what I'm saying!" Kurt's friend cried. "You weren't doing anything important were you?"

"Not really..." Kurt replied, not wanting to explain that he was researching exactly how to approach his boyfriend's man-gina.

"Great!" Blaine cried and Kurt could feel his enthusiasm through the phone. "You can help me pick out the perfect song for Valentine's Day. What about something by P!nk?"

"Blaine, did you just pronounce the exclamation point?"

"Why yes, I did!" Blaine replied with a laugh. "Thanks for noticing."

Kurt sighed and opened his laptop again, minimizing his browser for now and opening iTunes to search for something appropriately romantic in Blaine's wheelhouse.

* * *

><p>"Dad?" Kurt asked, approaching his father in their home garage where he was working on building something wooden.<p>

"What is it, buddy?" Burt replied, setting down his hammer. "You look a little … freaked or something."

"Just..." Kurt said, knowing he had to approach this delicately to avoid telling Puck's secrets. "You know how we had that talk when Noah and I started dating?"

"Yeah."

"I think … I mean, I thought you should know that he and I … we're..."

Burt frowned and shook his head, guessing, "Having sex?"

"No!" Kurt cried reflexively before wincing. "I mean … we might, soon. I love him. I want to be close to him, like you were saying when we talked before."

"God," Burt sighed in displeasure. "I should have seen this coming. You're seventeen, Kurt. That doesn't mean I like it, but I'm not going to get mad at you or anything of you do have sex. Thanks for telling me." After a few long, awkward seconds, Burt asked, "D'you want to talk about it?"

Hating how warm his face felt, Kurt shook his head. "Not right now."

"Okay," Burt said, turning back to his project. Kurt turned and walked a few steps away before his dad added, "Just remember, kid, there can be a lot of steps, a lot of ways you can be intimate with your partner, you know, before you get to sex. There's nothing wrong or immature or anything with hanging out in the infield before going for that home run."

"Sports analogies, Dad," Kurt reminded him, but he nodded just the same. "Thanks."

* * *

><p>"You're sure we're not going to get caught?" Kurt asked his boyfriend as they crawled into the backseat of his SUV.<p>

"Chill, Kurt," Puck replied, and Kurt could tell he was much more nervous than he was letting on. "The cops never get out this far. Why do you think all these cars are parked up here?"

Kurt smiled a little in amusement and nodded, sitting down and patting the seat next to him, folding himself into Puck's arms when the boy dropped down next to him. Kissing Noah slowly, when Kurt pulled back he asked, "Are you nervous?"

"Badasses don't get nervous," Puck replied, bending Kurt back for a harsher kiss, full of too much tongue. He was totally nervous, the liar.

"Hey," Kurt said softly when they parted. "Let's just forget about everything else okay? This is just you and me, making out like we have dozens of times before. No expectations for more."

"If it makes you feel better," Puck nodded and Kurt smiled at how his boyfriend pushed all his reservations onto Kurt - if it made Kurt feel better, well then that was okay. It didn't affect Puck's (fragile, Kurt realized now) masculinity as much that way.

Each and every kiss after that agreement felt important, like it could either be the last or like it was leading somewhere better. Petting his hands through Puck's hair the way he liked, Kurt tried to focus on how the boy's tongue felt in his mouth, tried to focus on the way Puck's big hands grabbed at his arms and thighs and sides, tried to focus on anything but the biting need to see Puck naked again. Somehow, in all that focusing, Kurt let himself be lowered back across the seat, Puck over him, sucking on his neck and grinding his hips down against Kurt's.

"Oh, god!" Kurt cried as Puck brushed up against him.

"Shit," the boy hissed in turn, pulling Kurt's face around so they could keep kissing as he did that again and again.

Kurt's jeans against his hard-on were starting to chafe and distract him from groping Puck's ass and pulling him closer as they grinded together. "Wait," he breathed, pushing back on Puck.

Eyes concerned and jaw clenched, Puck asked, "What?"

"Pants," Kurt replied, "hurt." Distracting Puck with another kiss, Kurt unbuttoned his own jeans pushing them down and away, shivering when his bare ass touched the pleather seat. Then, watching Noah's face, Kurt brought his hands to the boy's pants, asking, "Okay?"

Puck groaned as he nodded, helping Kurt get them off before sitting back down on Kurt's bare thighs and pulling on his shirt. Okay, they were getting naked now, apparently. Kurt complied before pulling on Puck's shirt and then there were acres of warm skin touching his as Puck attacked his mouth again, drawing out a moan.

Kurt couldn't help it when his hips bucked after Noah sucked a particularly ingenious spot on his neck. His cock brushed warm and wet and, "Fuck, I _want_."

Grinding down - that had to be Puck's clit pressed against the head of his dick - his boyfriend moaned in agreement. "Oh god. Oh, shitfuckyes. I … _inside_, Kurt."

"Hmm?" Kurt asked, sliding his hands up Puck's sturdy ribs and around to touch all those delicious muscles on his back.

"Need you inside, babe," Puck insisted, panting against Kurt's shoulder. "Never thought I'd...damn it!" he cried angrily and Kurt wondered if had something to do with his dysphoria.

"It's okay," Kurt insisted gently. "We don't have to..."

"Don't fucking say that," Puck replied, meeting Kurt's eyes in the little bit of moonlight that filtered into the car. "Please don't say that, Kurt. Just, fuck!" Puck looked away again and Kurt couldn't help but get confused.

"What?" Kurt asked, trying to get Puck to look at him again. "What do you need?"

Suddenly, Puck was tilted up, one hand between them and around Kurt's cock as he lifted it up in line with - oh! "Yeah," Kurt breathed as that feeling of warm and wet pulsed against the head of his dick and it was all he could do not to just shove himself upward and _in_. "Oh, please!"

Puck slipped down just a little and both of them groaned. There was just so much friction and heat and then Puck was whispering, "Shit, babe. Feels so damn good."

"Yeah," Kurt sighed, holding onto Puck's hips as he worked himself down around Kurt's dick with tiny little bounces that took him in a little bit more each time. Kurt felt his whole body coil for release much more intensely than it ever had when he'd been alone. "Oh, god, I can't - Noah, I'm going to...!"

Kurt couldn't help thrusting up into that awesome heat a few times before he came, hard, inside his boyfriend. As soon as he could think straight, Kurt realized that Puck was shaking with laughter, still wrapped around him and pushing him down into the car seat.

"Noah?"

"Shit, man," Puck laughed, burying his face in Kurt's neck again, "I...god, I didn't even _think_."

"What?" Kurt asked, shivering a little as Puck clenched around him. "What? You're making me self-"

Puck cut him off with a deep kiss before pulling back and saying, "I never thought you'd be so into this that you'd come right away, even being a virgin."

"My insanely hot boyfriend," Kurt pointed out, rolling his hips experimentally, "was just riding me. You're lucky I lasted long enough to get out of my pants."

"Mmm," Puck agreed, sealing his lips to Kurt's in a long, dirty kiss. "Do that again."

Kurt repeated the move, watching Puck's face open in pleasure. He guessed he might still be hard enough to finish Puck off, if he hurried. Licking his thumb, Kurt put it between them, finding the hard projection of Puck's clit and pressing circles against it, like the website had said, while he rolled his hips a third time.

"Fuck, yeah," Puck groaned, starting to shake and Kurt wanted so much to just push him over the edge, so he jerked his hips upward, three, four times and then Puck clenched around him, holding on tightly to Kurt's shoulders as he groaned low and long.

"Was that...?" Kurt asked, thinking it had to be, but he wasn't sure.

"Yeah," Puck grinned, kissing Kurt again and pulling away carefully. Kurt felt undeniably proud for figuring out how to make his boyfriend come, seeing as he was gay and all. "Mmm, fuck, yeah."

The bench seat of the car was pretty awkward, so Kurt pushed himself back and sat up, pulling Puck to sit down next to him. "I love you," Kurt whispered, feeling it now more than ever.

"Yeah," Puck nodded, throwing an arm around Kurt's shoulder, "me too, babe."

After a long, slow kiss, Puck pulled back and asked, "You think we've got time to do it again?"

Kurt laughed, glad Puck was acting like his old self, and grabbed his phone to look at the time. "Shit. We've got to go. My dad's gonna kill me."

"Just tell him," Puck suggested, pulling on his pants in the cramped location, "that you topped the shit outta me. He'll be so proud he won't care you're a little late."

"Somehow I doubt that," Kurt said from inside his sweater as henwas trying to figure out which sleeve went where. "Hey, Noah?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"Wanna be my Valentine?"

"Any time, baby," Puck grinned, climbing up into the passenger seat to wait for Kurt. "But don't think just 'cause I've got a vagina I'm wearing a corsage or watching one of those dumb romantic comedies."

"Of course not, honey," Kurt laughed, buckling his seat belt and starting the car. "I'd never make that mistake twice."

* * *

><p><em>As I mentioned up top, the angst everyone was clamoring for will appear in a sequel, along with an edited version of the epilogue I wrote. Thanks for reading everyone and please, leave comments and reviews if you can!<em>


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